Warmness on the inside

Christmas is my favorite part of the year after summer and it's even better since I live in Bucharest and have a place to come home for Christmas. The first night at your cozy home, after a long journey by train is one of the best feelings one can have. And the more freezing outsite is, the warmer you feel home. The blizzard outside, the fire and the lights inside, the friends by my side and warmness on my inside...

Mario Lanza - God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

Old stone....

A song for the old stones that we think were swept away by the waves of daily living. A song for the people who still stumble over such a stone.

Laura Marling - Old Stone

Idle days

I haven' posted for quite a while and it's not that I've been terribly busy. It's just that I couldn't collect my flow of thoughts into a consistent text. I moved back to Bucharest, and as I was trying to get back into the rhythm of college life, I lost track of the days which have past since my last post. I lost track of some of some of my older preoccupations too. Things that one day seemed clear, got blurry the next day. The lifecarouselle didn't stop spinning, but it seemed that nothing could get trapped in it. Instead, everything flew by and now a new clear horizon seems to appear in front of my eyes.
One thing that didn't flew by was my decision to get involved into a ONG, a students' organization more precisely. So following my desire of getting involved into a project outside faculty and hopefully gain some more practical experience, I went to some interviews and I am now waiting for the answer. I did get involved in some extracurricular activities last year, like conferences and workshops and they proved to be very useful for my personal and professional development. Which is why I decided that this year I should get involved more. Another important thing was my old wish to learn French from zero, since the two foreign languages I know are English and German. I guess my admiration for French music, movies and figure skaters, plus my Romanian - Canadian little cousin enhanced this ambition of mine and I am now happily attending French courses at the French Institute in Bucharest.
Apart from those things, my other activities were not as coherent. There are moments when you feel tired after past struggles and when you just want to rest, repair old defections and and enjoy the idle days of a clear horizon, before new dreams rise in front of you and claim for fulfillment.

Beirut - Mount Wroclai (Idle Days)

Morning Glory

On my way to Bucharest I was lucky to catch a great sunrise and simply had to stop the car and take some photos. The little church in the middle of the field looked marvelous too. These were taken an hour and a half before sunrise and I admired the rest of the morning spectacle from inside the car, as I was rushing to Bucharest and couldn't afford to lose any time.
However, it was a great morning to leave home, cause it made my day brighter, despite feeling sad for my departure.

Enya- Morning Glory

Creating Happiness

I opened a fortune cookie on Facebook today (I know, it might sound silly) but found something which I've many times thought about, yet never managed to put it so simple. It said "Some pursue happiness. You create it." I don't know if I create it but I really struggle to do so.
If happiness is only about obtaining, then it may not be attainable, cause you will always have needs. In this case going for happiness is a never ending pursuit. On the other hand, if happiness is your creation, it means you've managed to see the bright side of the things you already have.Even if you don't get a certain thing, creating happiness means squeezing the best of your current situation, enjoying them and setting new goals.
When you try to create your happiness is doesn 't mean you stop fighting, or that you settle for less. It means cherishing the things you have, while pursuing the things you want, and not focusing only on the outcome. Lets' face it, the whole universe is not always plotting to make a strong wish of yours come true. Sometimes it may not come true at all. So what's left to do then? Declare that you are not happy? From my point of view that is the point where you you start to create your happiness. Analyzing what you have might get you to discover things that you have forgotten about during your pursuit, and might offer you resources for new dreams and new plans.
I guess happiness depends more on us than on the other people or things. Like a friend of mine said: nothing and no one is irreplaceable. So let's become artists and try to create our happiness from anything that we have, whether it's gold or ash.

Cat Power - Maybe Not

The ultimate hope

I am now reading one of the most wonderful books I've ever read, The Karamazov Brothers by Dostoevsky and just as I was breathtakingly reading, trapped into the realm of human passion and sorrow and digging into the meaning of the characters' assertions, I remembered a real case, one of the most popular this summer.
It was when I got back from my trip that I found out about a monk priest video recorded while having sexual intercourse with another man . As a punishment he was sent to another monastery and lost his rights as a priest, remaining a simple monk. This decision displeased a number of people stating that he shouldn't have the opportunity to be a monk anywhere anymore. As far as I understood, the guilty monk is really trying to make amends and got himself interned to get a proper treatment.
Now this is what I remembered while reading a polemic discussion between Dostoevsky's characters Abbot Zosima and Ivan Feodorovici. Ivan, an intelligent man of letters stated that in order for Russia to become a prosper country, the Church law should bind with the civil law, so that any crime against the state would become a crime against Church. In his oppinion that would prevent crime, since Russian people are such devoted believers. Abbot Zosima, an old wise monk rejects his opnion while trying to emphasize the true meaning of the Church. Unlike the civil law whose punishments stigmatizes the guilty and deprives them of their rights, the Church offers them the possibility to atone themselves. The guilty know that they have no possibility to be forgivven in the eyes of the state, but they know they are not totally lost, because as long as Church exists and appreciates a criminal's atonement, their feeling sorry is not worthless. But what would happen if those two laws combined? A criminal would have no refugee, no one left to forgive him, not being able to fit in any form of order. This is why Abbot Zosima says that the two laws cannot combine, since the Church accepts everyone and its law remains a hope when the other law ends. The punishment of the Church is not ultimate (one can be forgiven), but sometimes for a criminal the Church is the ultimate hope.
From my point of view, the monk involved in the scandal got the right punishment and shouldn't be forbidden to be a monk anymore, as long as this is what he still wants. The Church gave him the possibility to atone himself and to be forgiven, a possibility which many of the ones who judged this scandal do not give.
That's it for now, but I will probably post something more about this book, The Karamazov Brothers, as there are many things in it which laid a mark on myself.

Lisa Gerrard - Sanvean (I am your shadow)

Metaphorical Realism

While enjoying my last lazy days before college, I started seeking more information on some of the things that impressed me most during this summer. Among those is an exhibition of the Russian-born painter Vladimir Kush, now living in the USA. His work is very close to surrealism, but he refers to his art as metaphorical realism, a concept which I find very appropriate. Now I must tell you I don't know much about painting and when I visit a museum, or art gallery I see everything through the eyes of an admirer, who can either be touched or not by the paintings. I cannot analyze their quality or other technical aspects, I can only tell you whether they enchanted me or not.
What impressed me is that Kush's paintings all reveal an idea. They are the plastic side of a metaphor. He paints real things, but the originality lies in the assotiations he makes, which send to another level of understanding. In his works, different things combine in a metaphorical unity which resembles the world the poet Baudelaire describes in his Corespondence poem : Like extended echoes which mingle far away/ In a mysterious and profound unity / Vast as the night and as ligh/ Perfumes, colors and sounds answer each other.

Here are some of the paintings which I've seen at the exhibition:

Pillow Book

Moonlight Sonata

Anticipation of a Night's Shelter

Music of the Woods

Ship and Sea

Please listen the song for today, as it really matches the ambient of the paintings!
Erik Satie - Gymnopedie No.3 (orchestrated by Debussy)

Just an autumn post

Autumn seen from one of my dearest places - Vlasinesti, the village where my grandparents live and where I spent most of my childhood. I love autumn, all its colors, the smell of grapes, the falling leaves and the soft sun. Maybe I'm weird, but I love autumn and hate spring.
What I've really been into lately is reading some tips on digital photography and experimenting with my new camera, so the photos are the most appropriate things to post on the blog for now.

Patrick Wolf - Thickets

Stuck

And the hardest part was letting go, not taking part

Sometimes it's not the ups and downs of a situations that are overwhelming, but the CHANGE, even the change that might be for the better. You get used to something, you find it natural like it's the way it's supposed to be, you even overlook some outrageous downsides of the situation, finding some imaginary compensation, or just indulging yourself. Accepting it's not the hardest part.
I admire those who took the change within their stride and pushed the wheel forward when something didn't work anymore, whether that implied leaving their job, their country, their home, or someone dear.

Cause that's the hardest part

Coldplay - The hardest part

And everything has an end...

It seems that every time I have to deal with a limited period of time I want to live it to the fullest, not feeling scared for a second that I might give it all in and feel a little lost when it all ends. There usually is a defensive mechanism, but sometimes when you really want to be happy you have to let the protective walls around you fall down. Ignoring the upcoming end, though the end itself was what helped me appreciate even more the time which I had spent with the people I love.
It's all or nothing for me, cause when it ends I want to know that I've once had it all.

Au Revoir Simone - All or nothing

A town of flowers

Today's post is again about traveling, but traveling to a place where you have previously been. For some this might sound boring, but for me this is even more exciting, especially if it's a distant place that you've never thought you'd see again.

When you come back after some years, you might get the strange feeling of regaining the lost time. It's a time illusion that makes you feel that nothing has passed since you had last been there. Although both you and your life have changed a lot, you feel unchanged. The time that has passed in between shrinks and seems like a dream. And as the illusion fades and lucidity comes back, you feel astonished at how quickly time has passed.

It was three years ago that I went to Niagara On The Lake, one of the most beautiful places that I've ever been to. It's a little Canadian town located in the South of Ontario province, near the Niagara Falls. It's not as popular as the Falls, but it's sure worth visiting. It's a town with a vintage flavor, full of flowers, marvelous houses, cute antique shops, golf courses, fresh fruits and wineries. Their wines are really famous and I've tried some of them that I'll never forget. This is probably the town with the most numerous and beautiful flowers and it's just mesmerizing how many colors meet your eyes. The photos that I've made are only a glimpse of the wonderful spectacle.

Something that really impressed me was a deserted house, forgotten among other rich beautifully arranged houses. The back garden and the chairs by the pool looked as if the owners had one day left home and never come back, never intending to leave their house for good. The house is now lonely waiting to dwell someone. If I had money I would have bought this house to properly take care of it...

Johnny Cash - Sunday Morning Coming Down

Traveling...

The beauty and the sadness of traveling: getting into the atmosphere and then having to let go. Each time I leave a place I feel that I leave there a part of myself, but having a wonderful experience to remember. Scattered images, thoughts, sensations, thrills...that is what I feel when leaving a place and ooh... the bitter feeling that I might never see that place again.

If you are open, try not to judge or compare it's almost impossible not to get into the atmosphere of a place and breathe in the same rhythm as everything around you. No matter how famous, unknown, gossiped or praised that place is, it has its special flavor that will surely enchant you if you set yourself loose of preconceptions. That's why you feel sad at a departure, even when you know that another exciting trip awaits. You give a moment of your life to that place and receive a memory, it's an exchange that will make you feel richer and poorer at the same time. Traveling implies leaving, losing a place, but gaining another jewelry to hide in that box of memories. That jewelry never looses its sparkle, cause whenever you think of a past trip, you get a meaning and a lesson out of it, or at least it will make you smile and feel proud that you have been THERE.

Annie Lennox - Into the West

Head in the clouds

I have finally managed to make the trip of my dreams...that is in the mountains, hiking and backpacking in the heart of nature, exploring the genuine beauty of the Parang Mountains. The Peak Parangul Mare is 2519 m tall (I just had to boast about our conquest). We have all slept in tents, carried our little homes through the day in our backpacks and each night found a different friendly place to set our camp. The landscapes were beyond words...unexploited, exciting, wild, yet calming and most of all intriguing, cause you couldn't know when the mountains could turn from friend to foe. We had our little adventures like not being able to find a place to set our tents, while outside was getting darker, or not knowing where we were on the map...not to mention the fact that we were running out of water while we were on the pick of the mountain. To sum up, the trip was hard, a bit adventurous and at times scary but it was exactly what I have wished for.
One thing I've realized during this trek is that life up there is harsh, the weather is moody the slopes are steep, the temperature is low and the air is wet. Still the mountains are outstanding, breathtaking...and it's worth all the effort to catch a glimpse of that beauty. After all, the good things are hard to get and this is the beauty of aiming high. Up there, at the altitude of our dreams everything gets more complicated. We do get to enjoy the beauty of being close to our desires, still we always have to maintain our concentration in order to achieve a balance. There's no stop button, there's just us and the unpredictable. The mountain can be friend, but also foe...and so are our dreams. They may bring us happiness or sorrow while we continue our trek.
The mountains and our purposes both offer marvelous scenery, yet require unceasing endeavor. Life up there is beautiful, but just as hard. However, since the satisfaction brought by a certain thing is directly proportional to the amount of effort we have put into it why shouldn't we aim high, keep our heads at the altitude of our dreams and stop complaining?


Goldfrapp - Clowns

Old firends, new friends and...no-matter-what friends

Four days ago I turned 20. The passing of the years has always frightened me and I used to think that 18, 19 are the best possible years to be. However, I came to realize that growing up is not so bad, or less fun, but a journey that becomes more and more exciting. I am now stronger, more confident and more natural than when I was 18, an age which I used to refer to as the best. Self-confidence is something which I have gradually built and now I never feel that being myself means running a risk. Failure doesn't defeat me any more and success doesn't shock me as it used to. Nor am I scared of expressing myself and of taking risks. Life has its inner balance, it's just a row of ups and downs and I am eager to take advantage of each and every opportunity to learn something more.
It's good being 20, but I owe that to my friends as well. I have organized a party at my place and my friends made it the best birthday of my life. It's a soothing feeling to know that old friends are still there for you, even if you don't spent as much time with them. On the other hand, it feels nice to see that your new friends think of you and appreciate you. I feel like I have two lives: the one from home, which is continuation of high school,of the past and the one from Bucharest, which implies new people, new possibilities, the future. I love both of them, only time can tell how they will merge and when I won't have the feeling that I am somehow divided.
And there are some things that transcend both lives. These are the friends that no matter what new trouble you get yourself into, or what past mistakes you repeat, remain there by your side without judging you. These things are the true friendships, these things are the connections that you would like to keep, the connections that you feel lucky for...

Patrick Wolf - Wind in the Wires (not very found of the video, but love the song)

The thrill of a live concert

I had been waiting almost the whole year for this event and it finally happened. Much better and cheaper then I had expected. I am talking about BestFest, the festival which brings together every year some of the musicians that I like most. Two years ago I was there for Hooverphonic, last year I was longing for Kaiser Chiefs, but couldn't attend the concert, as I was learning for my college entrance exam. Fortunately, this year I had my revenge: I volunteered for BestFest and I enjoyed two memorable days of concerts for free.
The two concerts that I really wanted to see were the ones of Patrice and Franz Ferdinand, and my wish did come true. Patrice was on the first day of the festival and I had a reward ticket for it. I loved the performance, which was enhanced by the solidarity between music and nature :)), as it started pouring right during the song called Soulstorm. Of course I got dripping wet, but this was even more fun.
The other concert that I would like to talk more about is Franz Ferdinand. I was a volunteer that day and because I worked at ticketing I was very busy. However, I did get a permission and found someone to replace me during the concert. The performance managed to rise above all my expectations. I wasn't a true FF fan, but now I am. The beautiful songs, the lyrics, the energetic crowd and the passion you could see on their faces while performing were all the ingredients of an outsanding and unforgettable concert. Not to mention that they are all true showmen- they have danced and jumped all over the stage, not forgetting even for a second to communicate with the public. I think FF is the best concert I have ever attended, I had more fun than at a System of a Down concert, which used to be my favourite.
Today's song is a live capture from the FF concert, and it's my favourite FF song. It's about a break-up and I will post the lyrics, as they are filled with meanings and emotions. Please enjoy this glimpse of one memorable concert.

Franz Ferdinand - Walk Away (live at BestFest)

I swapped my innocence for pride
Crushed the end within my stride
Said I'm strong now I know that I'm a leaver
I love the sound of you walking away, you walking away
Mascara bleeds a blackened tear, oh
And I am cold, yes, I'm cold
But not as cold as you are
I love the sound of you walking away, you walking away
I love the sound of you walking away, walking away, hey hey

Why don't you walk away?
Why don't you walk away?

Why don't you walk away?
No buildings will fall down
Won't you walk away
No quake will split the ground
Why don't you walk away
The sun won't swallow the sky
Why don't you walk away?
Statues will not cry

Don't you walk away
Why don't you walk away?
Why don't you walk away?
Why don't you walk away?

I cannot turn to see those eyes
As apologies may rise
I must be strong and stay an unbeliever
And love the sound of you walking away, you walking away
Mascara bleeds into my eye, oh
And I'm not cold, I am old
At least as old as you are

I hear the sound of you walking away,you walking away
I hear the sound of you walking away, walking away hey hey
And as you walk away
Oh, as you walk away

And as you walk away
My headstone crumbles down
As you walk away
The Hollywood winds will howl
As you walk away
The Kremlin's falling
As you walk away
Radio Four is static

The stab of stiletto
On a silent night
Stalin smiles and Hitler laughs
Churchill claps Mao Zedong on the back

Summer garden

There's nothing more refreshing than a summer garden, especially after a summer rain. You just have to give into your senses and relax...

Morcheeba - Summertime